The jewel of Danial
by missivthegreat
Summary: NOTE : Danial is not a spelling mistake. Even though there's no way to compete with being a princess of Monaco, some other dreams come true could mean a lot more than being Royal. Takes place after 5x04.
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE : I never planned to make a real fanfiction out of this, these were just random things popping in my head and me being overly positive in my Dair bubble altogether with assumptions about what could happen. I do not own anything. I could really use some reviews since I'm new in this and I have no idea what made me start. I want you to like it, but even if you don't review, hopefully it'll all help me improve. Also please tell me would you like me to continue writing, or it's better to stop. Long story short - don't be shy, every kind of review is welcome. And I mean it.**

**Only for the first chapter : There's actually 0 Dan/Blair dialogues in this one, only a funny regard on Blair's thoughts about the "Inside".**

**For the whole story : It takes place after 5x04. Blair is engaged to Louis, and is in character. IMPORTANT : Dorota, Nate and Blair didn't read the book yet. Each of them will as the story develops, and it'll all have a purpose. Louis, Serena and Chuck did read it. This fanfiction will include some future events from the real show (AGAIN : I do not own anything), like Blair's bridal shower in which 2 guys are MIA. Overall, it's all my take on the upcoming eps. Or wishful thinking.**

**It's called Danial for the reason, it's not a spelling mistake. Blair Waldorf catches herself torn up between whether she should read the book or live her perfect life with her own real-life prince. Even though there's no way to compete with the latter, some other dreams come true could mean a lot more than being Royal. Even if she'll never admit it.**

If a book had an ability to speak Blair would be pretty sure the one on her desk is screaming "Read me". She could almost sniff the odour of new, fresh printed book surrounding her room. She usually liked it, it kind of reminded her of childhood, whenever she got a new book she used to bury her head in it enjoying the smell.

Finally, her nice manicured fingers carefully reached for the thing that lured her all this time.

_**"Just one glance. It won't hurt**." _

It sounded so real that she almost convinced herself in what she was saying. She saw the cover so many times already that it became familiar to her eyes. Unlike its content.

_**"He must be blabbling all the time about a certain blonde with long legs and shiny hair. About her bright smile and dainty eyes. About her dashing ability to bring everyone on its feet just by saying a word. The it girl, the love of his life. This is ridiculous. Why am I even worrying."**_

And it sounded real. There was no reason for her to worry or make a big deal out of it when it totally wasn't.

Then again, a frightful thought crossed her mind. Her mouth gone dry, and she could swear her right hand was shaking so much that she had a feeling the book is going to drop every second.

_**"He wrote that we had...**"_

Now thinking about it, maybe it's not a good idea after all. She is a princess to be. Dan Humphrey's attempt to be a...decent writer or actually fit into society was irrelevant and she should be mad at him.

_**"Right.**"_

"There's no way in hell I'm gonna read you" she pursed her lips and rounded felt like that was not enough. "Ever." she swallowed.

She must be out of her mind. She is basically having a conversation with a book. And not any book. There's nothing she enjoyed more than a good book on Saturday night, or a good old classic movie, but not tonight. This was not just any book. Not even close to an ordinary piece of work. The book that was driving her insane all this time. The book that represented all she was trying to avoid with great effort.

"Oh please." she mumbled still trying to keep herself unaware of the fact that there is no one in the room and she pressed on with her unexistant conversation.

"Dorota!" she yelled.

"Yes Miss Blair?" suddenly her maid popped up right next to her. "What do you need?" she glanced at the book on the table and didn't even need a second to proceed what Blair was trying to do. Or better what Blair was trying NOT to do. She knew what's next.

"I need you to do me a favour." Blair started politely knowing she'll snap at one point.

Dorota grunted something like "Of course" waiting to hear what she already saw coming.

Blair took a deep breath and went on,

"I NEED YOU TO DO WHATEVER IS IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE THIS NOVEL DISAPPEAR FROM MY SIGHT, burn it, toss it away, give it to charity, hack it, tear it up, I don't care just I don't want to see it ever again ALRIGHT?" she raised her eyebrows with a look of hatered in her eyes.

"Miss Blair, destroying Lonely Boy book not a good thing to do, believe me." Dorota's eyes widened and she had that look of concern on her face that Blair knew very well. Dorota was like her mother. She knew her, to the bone. She knew that every piece of her wants to read this book, that she's dying a little still intrigued by the sex scene she knew about, still asking herself if there's more, if there's a development, a build up for their characters. By what she read it wasn't just sex, it was making love. Blair's body always shivered a little even with a thougt of that, but as much as it was baffling and disgusting, Dorota knew she'll never admit that...this one tiny part of her liked it.

"Do what I say or you're most likely going to end up agonized and tortured on the Upper West Side! Wanna see what does it look like? Don't play with fire!"

"Well I guess that...wouldn't be the nicest place to be." Dorota mumbled.

"Then go! Take it." Blair was determined and now demanding. And Dorota knew there is no other option, that there's no way out. What she wants - she always gets.

"Fine." accordingly, she finally agreed. Blair handed her the book and she left her sitting on the edge of her bed, biting her lip.** "**_**I'll never know what's in it.**" _and she shouldn't, _**"It's for the greater good.**"_ and finally after so much time she felt relief.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan was stuck in the loft, searching the internet still pretty much frustrated and upset. He was a bit Dylan Hunter itself, enough good reason to never take that sorrowful expression off her face. Ever. He let down his friends, his family, and above all - Blair. He ruined her life, her plans for future and was on good way to put her engagement on hold.

_**"And all that because I l...Live in my fantasy world**."_

He quickly corrected himself because he had a hard time even thinking about what does he feel for her. Despite all the effort he had put, he just couldn't get his mind off Blair.

Suddenly a loud knock on the door made him jump a little and his heart beat faster. He was aware that there's no way in hell it's Blair, but just a thought of a HUMAN actually wanting to talk to him was good itself. Especially regarding the fact that he had spent 7 sleepless nights in a row, without leaving the loft, his life consisted of eating leftovers watching lame movies and stupid realities on the cable. He didn't read or write, because he felt embarrased, and kept in mind that it wouldn't help because he knew that everything would remind him of his book, and he couldn't afford that. Watching his favorite old-school movies was also what he was not very fond of these days because just a thought that he used to watch them with Blair's head peacefully resting on his shoulder was so ridiculously painful.

"Coming!" you could feel the excitement in his voice even though he felt very depressed all these days.

Finally, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

It was Serena.

"Hey." she said shortly, waiting for his reaction.

"Hey..." Dan was confused. He expected his dad, or Nate, but he didn't see this coming.

"Listen, I...I came to apologize. I ..." she looked like she was struggling a little bit, but pulled it off so Dan wouldn't notice. She took a deep breath and continued "I know I wasn't your biggest fan these days, but I'm sorry."

Dan raised his eyebrows.

"You are...sorry?" he stopped for a second trying to proceed what he just heard. "Excuse me but sorry for what?" he asked giving her a bemused look.

"Can I come in?" she asked with a small smile on her face in attempt to sound polite.

"Erm I'm not sure it's a good idea." Dan looked down and cleared his throat.

"Why? I mean is someone...here?" she asked trying to hide her disgust, and pain, and huff and all other feelings mixed up waiting and preserved deep inside.

"No, no, no...it's not that it's just.." Dan started to ramble. "Come." he realized there's no other choice. Besides, he has nothing to lose.

The reason for Dan's rejection became pretty obvious when Serena stepped into the loft. It was a huge mess. With pizza boxes, scruffy clothes all over the place, some blankets curled up in one corner, books and papers on the kitchen table, and tv that was playing some random documentary about saving coalas. For a moment, she felt really bad for doing what she was doing, because she saw that Dan's really not in a good place right now. The last thing he needs is to be used and feel cheated.

**_"I'm the one who should feel that way. What is wrong with me. He said horrible stuff about me in his book, and I have a full right of making his life a living hell...Though all I want is to please my boss and give her the damn rights for a movie. I need this, it'll be like a green light for me in the movie-industry. That'll also prove him wrong and show him that I'm not some drunken..."_**

"Serena?" Dan's voice was loud and brought her back to 'reality'.

"Um, yes? Sorry I was a little lost in my own thoughts. What's the problem?"

"I was actually asking you if you want some coffee. But since I don't have any..." Dan knit his brows "Soda?" he offered.

"No, thanks. I just dropped by to say I'm sorry, and to..invite you on lunch tomorrow. If you want of course."

"That would be good." he replied shortly. He was a little suspicious at first but now he felt something sincere and familiar in her voice. "When?"

"I was thinking, 3pm? I get to choose the place all you need to do is pick me up at arranged time."

That was a bit official.

"Good, I'll be there."

"Nice. Sorry I'm in a hurry and I gotta go if you don't mind." Serena resumed.

"Not a problem."

"See you then. And don't worry I'll find my way out."

"Err..alright then, bye."

_**"Well that's a good start.**" _he was confident about this.

"Miss Blair Louie just arrived." Dorota announced.

Blair spent the Sunday in her bed eating her favorite macaroons that were specially delivered for her from Paris. She really had so many reasons to feel like a princess. Only she knew this is just going to make her gain weight and that in one week's time she's gonna look like an elephant. And like the pregnancy wasn't bad itself.

When Dorota burst in without knocking she found Blair curled up in her bed with two empty boxes of macaroons and some leftovers.

"Miss Blair!" Dorota singed out angrily.

"What?" she quickly jumped from her bed bringing all the boxes down. With a blunt sound suddenly everything that was on her nighstand fell off. Visibly annoyed Blair started to gather stuff avoiding to look Dorota in the eyes.

"Are you sure you okay?" she asked apprehensively.

"I am ...at my best. I just decided to eat..." she coughed "For two." she pursed her lips booting the third package she was keeping under her bed deep down so Dorota couldn't see.

"Mr Louie will be here every second. Don't get me wrong Miss Blair you always pretty but ...this is a mess! You didn't leave the room since the day I...got rid of that book. Your fiancee came from the trip and he's going to be concerned." "But not a half as I am." she added.

"I am fine." she pouted. "Can't a future...princess of Monaco have a little break? Besides I'm not even royal yet. I'm gonna go change now, you tell Louis to sit down and wait for me. Give him something to drink and do not let him here alright?"

Dorota had so many things to say but she kept quiet this time and did what she was told.

Few minutes after that, Blair was coming downstairs everything on its place. She wore her dainty floral violet dress and had a little make up on, which made her look fresh and pure. Her hair was straight, falling freely on her shoulders.

"Louie!" she blurt out.

"Blair, mon amour I missed you so much." "Why always so sweet." she gave him a delightful smile she'll never admit she faked.

"How are you? Was everything alright while I was gone?"

"Never better." she grinned. "I mean," she corrected herself "I missed you..." Blair said in a baby voice. "But was fine."

"I am glad to hear that, and I hope you had some time to rest, although knowing you..."

Blair frowned. "I am sure Dorota prepared something for us to eat, so let's ...eat then, you must be starving!" she suggested desperately lifting her brows.

"Good idea" he added.

"Mm." Blair nodded.

"I thought you might want some tea Mr Louis." Dorota chipped in.

"Thank you Dorota, but I'd like something to eat. We'd like to eat." he smiled.

Blair frowned.

_**"No. I can't eat. Why on Earth did I suggest dinner.**"_

"I'm not hu..."

"Oh please do not even try to end the sentence Blair, now when you'll be a mom you need to eat for two."

_**"And I did. For the whole...army.**"_

"Yeah." she nodded again. "You might be right"

"It'll be set in a minute." finally, Dorota left the two of them heading to kitchen.

"I am so sad you weren't there to see my mother's reaction when I told her that our wedding will be different and that she'll have to agree with everything you say. She was furious."

"Oh I can bet on that." Blair said tittering.

"What did you do here in New York?"

"Oh just...went shopping, spending time with Serena although most of it she's at work so I barely even get see her these days. And I was...here. I thought a few days off spent here and not being obsessed about the wedding would be nice, you know how tiring it can get."

"I know, hope you're good now."

"Of course I am."

"Blair please eat, I'm really starting to worry, you didn't even start your meal. You need some food." Louis cautioned her.

"Yes, but I did eat. Before you arrived. Dorota is always being...Dorota so knowing how overly concerned she is and how good she's looking after me there's no need for you to worry."

"Dorota is golden." Louis said politely smiling to Blair's maid.

"Absolutely...She really is."

And she meant it.

**So, this turned out to be a little longer, sorry if it was boring, and in case it was just let me know...I'm opened for suggestions/comments/critisism of any kind. Thanks a lot for your reviews, means a lot to me and hopefully you don't stop giving them because I find them both useful and stimulating at the same time. Xx **


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTE : I know, I know, I wrote that Serena read the whole book earlier, but I changed my mind. She is about to finish, and well, you can see her reaction. In the next chapter I'm going to include the upcoming (going to happen on the show) Duck "Do you love her" scene and Dan is going to get drunk. reviews are love, xx.**

**Btw, thank you so much on the reviews I've got so far! I appreciate that, and means A LOT MORE than you think.**

Dan was preparing for a lunch with Serena. He didn't want to be late, and decided to actually cleans up the mess in both, his loft and his head.

_**"Easier said than done."**_He thought picking up the clothes that was everywhere...He was even questioning the possibility of him getting drunk from the huge amounts of soda and orange juice, since he completely blanked out the part where he started throwing stuff and leaving it all over the place.

As chaotic as it was, it was nothing comparing to what was going on in his head and he knew, all he could do was pretend. He looked really well now when he had shaved and tamed his curly hair, put a decent shirt and jeans. Not that he cared about an impression he's going to leave on Serena, he just wanted to do himself a favour and moves on. Or show that he's ready to move forward. That was a huge step that he was almost proud on the decision he had made. Before leaving the house he quickly glanced into the mirror, and he was surprisingly satisfied

_**"I look decent. Even Waldorf wouldn't complain about this outfit, I think. An evil dictator of taste. Not that this has anything to do with the fact that I'm going in the Waldorf penthouse to pick up Serena. No way. It's not like Blair is going to be there or anything, especially when Serena tells her that we're going out. Okay Humphrey, time to go now."**_

He took a deep breath and closed the door.

Xxx

"I think I was clear, I hate peonies, therefore I have no idea what exactly does this delivery represent." Blair was yelling over the phone. She's like this the whole morning.

"Penelope when are you going to start being helpful, I should've left you with psychotic Juliet a long time ago, I guess you'd have much more fun with her now, probably scheming some serious act of crime. Or end up drugged and drunk on some dark place." she continued grudgingly.

Penelope just let out a small sigh but quickly continued what she was doing. She got used to it, and she knew Blair was just not in the mood.

Suddenly she heard the sound of the elevator and just when she headed there expecting the potential wedding planner Louis had sent to her. Seeing the person Blair moved swiftly.

"Is this some creepy scenario in which you're trying to become my wedding planner Humphrey? 'Cause I'm so not for a realization that my life is a plot for a horror movie."

Dan was nothing less surprised.

"Your life may be a plot for a horror movie, now when I think better." Dan said teasingly looking around. "And I'd love to say that I know what you're talking about here, but unfortunaly - no. Your wedding has nothing to do with me. Literally. Where did you get that idea anyway?" he asked curiously.

She took his hand trying to pull him back in the elevator with all the forces.

"Blair, calm down." he was almost unable to speak since she got so brought with all this happening that they were standing there with an elevator still opened her face an inch away from his. The smell of Chanel 5 that suddenly spread like wildfire caught him very quickly and he felt this strange desire, his blood was rushing through his veins. His mouth went dry and he knew that if she moves a little closer that will be the death of him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he looked at her trying to catch some air. Why is she doing this to him.

_**"What the hell am I doing."**_

She could swear that she wanted to pull him closer into a passionate kiss, but saw that as a result of watching way too much movies lately. Suddenly goose bumps rise on her arms. She feels the strange combination of his lotion and feeling his smell caused this mess in her, the want, the **need, the strange urge **to run her fingers through his hair and doesn't look back. All these feelings made her feel like the heroine of his book who had no problem with expressing her feelings, well for what she knew, at least in that...explicit scene he had described.

_**"How silly of you, Blair."**_

"You're trying to ruin my life Humphrey" she mumbled acting very jiffery about the situation "...and, what am I doing? Saving it. Does that make it more clear to you Dan?" she whispered. "My wedding planner is going to be here any minute, what is she going to think? And are you really ready to act my gay best friend so she doesn't happen to be suspicious?"

"Why would she be suspicious?"

She was now with him in the elevator, and it was really hard to even say a word with him this close. Looking him in the eyes made it even harder.

"No clue." she said under her breath and swallowed.

Suddenly, the door opened and someone coughed. It was Serena.

xxx

"Blair will you...leave Dan alone? God!" Serena was pretending to be aghased at what she saw.

"What are the two of you...doing here?" she blinked waiting for the answer.

"I am trying to tell him to leave. He's not Lonely Boy S, I swear he's a Stalker Boy and that just crossed the line of fun."

"He's not here for you." Serena replied calmly.

"He's not?" she was staggered although she would be loathe to show, or worse admit it.

"No, Dan and I are going on lunch, I invited him." she explained.

"Oh." Dan and Serena could both swear that they caught her blushing but decided to ignore that considering how awkward the situation was even before that.

"Then erm...enjoy your lunch."

Dan saw a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes. He is probably going crazy. Yeah, that's the thing.

"Aren't you mad at Dan?"

_**"Why exactly? Come on Blair, remember..."**_

"Erm yes. What do you think this all in the elevator meant."

Serena frowned. "I'll never understand the two of you."

"There's nothing to understand, except the fact that Donut needs to get outta here, so wherever your romantic little date takes place please you both feel free to accompany yourself out. Now."

"Alright, I'll just wait for you downstairs." saying that, Dan left Serena and Blair in the foyee. Penelope was not in the room any longer since she wasn't really eager to listen Blair yelling again.

"So you two are back together?" Blair said angrily. "Looks like your portrayal in the book wasn't that bad after all?" she resumed adding sarcasm into it but still with a half-smile on her face.

"No, we're not getting back together. I need Dan because of..something I'm going to tell you all about later...And, for the record I didn't finish the book yet."

"Oh."

xxx

The lunch date went well without any complications. Despite knowing that she doesn't have much time, Serena decided not to rush and be careful even if that meant being a little late with completing the task. She and Dan went out discussing ordinary everyday topics and had lunch like civilised people do.

When she came back home, she decided to continue with Dan's book, rolling her eyes a little at the sex scene with Blair with a slight disgust and a little jealous she went on.

_**"Clair and I rode the elevator and when we arrived in the foyee, that's when I start getting that feeling, the vibe from her. She is jittery with anticipation, eager for my touch. We start kissing with an urgency that feels like an affair. It's a serious word. It's a scary word. It's no adultery. I push it all out of my mind as I kiss Clair. There'll be no more guilt, not for this next parcel of time. Her skin is warm. We are now on our sides, our bodies against each other. She kisses me more, and we topple over in her direction. She stops kissing me suddenly, clears her throat in an attempt to say something. This is wrong, and we both know it."**_

xxx

_**"What?" Sabrina chuckled, leaving Dylan and Clair in a huff. **_

_**"Enough, you're drunk." Clair yelled snatching the bottle of champagne out of her hand.**_

_**"Oh come on, it's not like I'm drunk...you know.." Sabrina stopped still laughing to her words "you know when I was really really drunk? Last night. My professor and I stayed up late ...he was teaching me, lessons" she coughed, looking like she's about to regurgitate every second. **_

_**"You're not going anywhere like that, Dylan she's going with me. Help me on this one." **_

_**"This is most definitely not the right time to...tell her." I remember how I said that and insiantly lowered my voice on the last two words.**_

_**"Tell me what?" Sabrina was clueless, but thought everything's amazing and funny. "The night is young, come on you two, lose yourself a little bit, for once in your life." **_

_**Funny 'cause we did. Just not in the way she wanted us to. Nor in a way she'd ever imagine. We betrayed her, but somehow seeing her behaving like this made me think that was not a huge mistake after all. We both had lives, and sometimes it seemed like they're consisted of saving hers. Later that night, we put Sabrina in bed in Clair's guest room, and I still remember Clair's worried face. She was an amazing friend. She was a good person. Her eyes used to have something. It was weird, hard to explain. Like she had a small speck, they used to shine like always, they twinkled, only this time not because of amusement or happyness but tears, tears because she was dying inside. She wanted her friend to come to her senses. That moment I knew that Clair wanted the old times back more than ever. She told me to leave Sabrina to her, and not to worry. I did worry, for both. **_

_**"And...about what happened, Dan...we can't hide this forever."**_

_**"I know,." strange but I had nothing to say. I just agreed. "What are we going to do?"**_

_**"It's not the right time. Just go." she whispered and I could swear she's staring at my lips. I wanted her so bad, but I knew - I have to wait. So I just turned, and with a simple "bye" called the elevator. I need to stop. Erase everything from my mind. The image of her, in that breath-taking dress, her soft voice, her smell that made me want to crawl back to her right now and tell her to screw everyone and everything. One thing was obvious, Clair I could never erase.**_

With a "boom" Serena closed the book.

_**"WILL THIS EVER STOP?" **_

She wanted to cry. What is this now? She was furious, and, even if she had some doubts about whether she made the right choice by taking it this far with using Dan just to get the movie rights, what she just read made her more assured and gave her more courage to continue.

She took her cell and texted Dan

"Listen, Blair invited you on the bridal shower party she's making tomorrow night, I completely blanked out that part at our meeting today. Well despite everything she'd love to see you there, and l can't wait for you to come."

The game was just about to begin.

"S?" Blair knocked on the door.

"Yes?" she said coldly.

"Is...is everything alright?"

_**"No it's not alright. My ex boyfriend wrote a novel about you."**_

"Absolutely, what's wrong?"

"Do you think this dress is going to serve a purpose for tomorrow? I think I wore her once, but no one will notice, it looks like new."

At the normal circumstances, Serena would suggest Blair to go shopping with her so they can find something appropriate but at this point she didn't care. She was way to frustrated and depressed.

"I think it's fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**So...sorry for not updating the fic for so long, I had some things for school so I was really really busy. That being said, I kind of lost track and my first "plot" dropped off. I am going to do a slight time jump still including that promissed "Do you love her" scene.**

Xx

Dan woke up in the loft, everything still a little blury from last night. Just when he was about to get up from the bed he heared someone's high-pitched voice on the machine, urging him to pick up. It sounded like Serena, and honestly, with this hangover going on he had no time to care. In fact, at this point Dan had no time care about anyone but himself.

His clock radio tells it's 8. 8 am. Still fealing dizzy he reaches for his mobile phone, just to check if he has a call from Alessandra, about the book, maybe. Yeah. Alessandra. Because the book means naught to him at the moment. He couldn't care less about the reviews it got, or about how successful it is. In fact, the biggest failure - the better. Well maybe Eric. He heard nothing from Eric lately.

_"Oh who am I kidding."_

A little peek on his phone, and nothing. Not even a word from Blair Princess To Be, Waldorf. He hated this "Princess To Be" bullshit, but who is he to judge anyway? Just like Serena said, he's a Dylan Hunter himself. He wasn't really cold-blooded about her speech but, surprisingly didn't really find himself "touched" or emotionally hurt either , and that made him question his personality even more.

_"Okay. So maybe I am a bad person. There is no other plausible explanation for my lack of guilt."_

He was desperately trying to figure out what had happened last night, so he edgily tried to remember the details.

_"Okay Humphrey, concentrate. There was a party. And not just "any" party...Blair's bridal-shower. I didn't want to go and I blew Serena off...kinda. Uh. Right. I didn't even call to let her know, so she must be peeved about that. So what did I do then? I don't even..."_

Suddenly, he glances on the what-first-looks like an unknown piece of clothing but then he comes to his senses. It's Chuck's jacket. He borrowed it to him because it was cold.

It was freezing. Stairs. That bitter, fiery taste of alcohol. He could almost feel the heaviness of it, while the liquid spread into each and every cell of his body. So pleasently yet so hastily. And Chuck. That's how they humbly celebrated Blair's "bridal-shower" far away from Blair and everyone else.

***flashback***

"Alcohol, and loneliness on an empty street. That's quite a fall even for you Humphrey."

"Err." Dan murmured unwillingly rising his head, his eyes now trying to focuss on Chuck.

Chuck knit his brows and continued

"So.." he sat beside him, "Book's not doing well?"

"Book's fine." he answered shortly twinkling feeling a little blinded by the extraordinary-bright street night lightning.

"We all knew that your scribbling is not going to be an epic piece of art but a 5-minutes-of fame thing anyway. Although, you know, I'd probably join you and your commiserating if you asked." Chuck went on, and that was weird enough even for Dan. Dan to whom everything was still enough crazy and whose head was such a mess.

"Yeah? I mean I would ask you to join if the bottle wasn't almost empty."

"Well...you know that tonight is Blair's bridal shower so..." Chuck went on.

Nodding, Dan took a huge sip straight from the bottle.

Chuck gave him a quick glare, and suddenly realized something.

"You aren't.."

"What? No, no, I am not. I am just...err..well to be quite honest I maybe a little...swayed by my feelings right now. But no,nothing like..God just.."

Dan started to ramble.

"I was about to ask if you're invited to _THAT_" Chuck said, "But...is the reason for your grief..." he deliberately put the accent on the last word "Blair." he gulped.

"Maybe."

_"Wow he must be really drunk"_

The first thing that came to Chuck's mind after was Dan's speech about Blair's happiness, in a conversation they had earlier.

_"You care more about Blair's happiness than I knew."_

"She's happy, that's all that really matters."

_Oh great what is this now, telepathy?_

"Humphrey..." Chuck started carefully.

"Ya?" he asked obviously completely lost in time and space.

Chuck is having second thoughts about this one. He remembers the time when Dan and Blair hated each other. From his point of view, Blair always used to hate Dan with a great passion, and Dan was never really fond of her either. Blair would usually throw a typical-Queen-B affront to him, and he, well, he was a writer so he'd usually come up with a witty reply. And that's what their "relationship" was based on.

Then again, he knows they shared a kiss last spring. Maybe he's just being overly jealous, or speaking nonsense. Should he really bring this up?

_"He's drunk, it's not like he's gonna remember we lead this conversation anyway."_

So he does. He speaks loudly.

"Do you love her?"

Dan stops whatever he was doing (and that was nothing really, glancing at some group of visibly drunk people behaving out of the ordinary, who was just passing by) and turns to Chuck.

He was utterly drunk, then again sober enough to hear the question and Chuck's voice was now ringing in his head. Did this really happen?

"Wh..what?" he says perplexed by the situation.

Chuck cleans his throat. This was way harder than he had thought, but he just blurs it out like the first time.

"Do you love Blair?"

Dan is now fully-aware of the question. Chuck glares at him and he lowers his eyes remorsefully.

"Nooo..." he raises his voice so it could sound a bit more convincable. "I don't.." a voice in his head is telling him to shut up. He's a Humphrey and his thoughts are a mess and he's not very good at this... But the small voice is soon replaced by Dan's endless-rambling.

"I mean Blair and I are..."

_Whoa, whoa, wait a little, BLAIR AND I?_

"..complicated. Not really complicated like..that there is something, 'cause she's engaged..we have this strange connection..."

_Connection?_

"...and we you know..we do watch movies together, and I do.." he coughs "I mean I did.." he starts pointing at one street-lamp (just the aftermath of the state he was currently in) "I did, or do..maybe, like the way she...talks. And her silly brown hair and her..eyelashes. Or when she gets all confused. That I really like." he stops but just for a very short period of time it's not even noticable. Turning more serious, like he suddenly became more focused and concetrated he continues, "I wish I could spend a whole day in the loft, with Blair. We could watch these old-movie-classics we always.." he takes a deep breath feeling like he's suddenly become a little teary eyed..He completely loses the track of his story and somehow continues bringing up another.."and she makes herself comfortable so sometimes I watch her in her sleep and I..."

He stops right there.

Something is telling him this is wrong.

He doesn't even know now.

He wants to sleep. He desperately needs sleep. And water, and...

Everything's blury again.

***present***

Checking himself in the mirror was such a bad idea. He looks horrible. He tries to straightens in his chair, stay calm, stop worrying and get something to eat. Later he'll just take a shower and somehow figure what to do next.

One beep and here it goes again. Unlike the first few times she tried to reach him, you could tell by Serena's voice that she was extremely shirty while trying to make him answer the call.

It didn't work, of course; He didn't need another conversation with Serena 'cause it would lead nowhere. As if his life, the direction it took on (especially lately), lead somewhere anyway.

In that moment, his mobile rang.

Even better. Chuck.

He felt obligated to answer this one though. After taking a deep breath he pressed the green button.

"Hey." he said shortly.

"Humphrey, do me a favour and spare me your kindliness, 'cause I'm so not in the mood for that right now. And won't be. Ever, just so it's clear."

"I'm assuming you want your jacket back? Or you want to know where can you find some real food for Monkey..."

"No. What my jacket it doing at your place anyway?" he replied, but of course he knew!

"Um. I don't know."

"How comes?" Chuck said sarcastically, which made Dan feel even more guilty for last night.

"Listen, usually, you know I'm not your biggest fan, but I think I need your help...I need you to answer some questions, it's not a lot I'm asking."

Silence.

"What do you want?"

"I need you to tell me...what happened last night after I..."

"Had your little love confession?"

Dan could swore his heart stopped beating for a second or two. He swallowed.

"What?"

"You had some kind of enlightenment about your feelings Blair, but don't worry I'm just going to stick to my bussiness and pretend it never happened."

"You should, 'cause I don't even know what I said. It was all a huge mistake...that I don't even remember making."

"Whatever."

***flashback***

"So now I'm visiting a shrink to help me out with my problems. I've suffered enough and feel a little...lonely."

He didn't like the word "lonely", Chuck Bass is, Chuck Bass. He is never lonely.

_Only the truth is, I am always lonely. The only person who always really cared about me is the one I couldn't even keep in my life. The one I hurt so much. I did everything wrong. I remember telling this to my shrink, who strongly recommended to have a talk. An honest, opened conversation with someone, to clear my head and get rid of my problems, if possible. I just never thought that "THAT" person is going to be a entirely-drunken Dan Humphrey. _

"Wow..." Dan barely managed to say this in a very quiet voice.

Chuck nodded as a sign of approval. Dan Humphrey may not be that bad after all.

"I have a meeting with Dorota and my daddd soon, I gotta hurry" Dan said all of a sudden trying to stand up. Every bone in his body hurt and he felt quite giddy.

"It's almost 4 am Humphrey."

"I knowww I'll be latee."

Chuck rolled his eyes a little.

2 years ago he left Dan on the street, without anything. Literally.

Things have changed, and since he's trying to work out his problems he assumed that doing something good couldn't do any harm.

"The only place you need to be in right now is your bed. And shut up until I change my mind."

***present***

Bridal shower was one of the most horrible and tiring events Blair Waldorf has ever organized. Of course, she'd have to be cracked, her mind would have to be seriously damaged if she decided to admit such thing. She was fed up with everything, the idea of Royal wedding is nothing but loads of dull events. On these parties and receptions she began to bitterly fake-smiles and nods her head to everyone that it almost became a part of the "ritual".

"Miss Blair you got an invitation for..."

"What is it now?" she said grudgingly.

"A party with your friends. Something like a masked ball, I checked and all of them will be attending." she coughed.

"What are you implying? As a matter of fact I couldn't care less about Dan The Social Climber Humphrey and his book for clots."

"Mr Humphrey won't be attending" she said softly.

"Oh." Blair pursed her lips with a slight dose of disappointment in her voice. "Better."

"Miss Blair there's also something..."

"Yes"

"Mr Louis said he would like you to skip on this one. He said he wants to have a serious talk about something."

_What? Who is he to tell me such thing?_

"Oh."

NOTE :

**It's becoming a little AU. The crapology (Chuck's 5x06 apology didn't happen/nor did Derena scenes). I am also kind of redeeming Chuck, in the way I feel is more right. But since I don't really like Chuck it's for a very short period of time. I'll soon bring up my favorite bromance (Date) though.**

**Later on I'm also going to explore Blair's feelings, since I am seriously inspired by that new Dair spoiler. It's totally positive and good for our ship, despite the fact the past episode was shitting all over I'm still hoping for the best. **

**Oh and. Reviews are love.**

**Should I continue? What to change?**

**Hit the review button!**

xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

Knock, knock.

"Ma chérie?" Louis says. His french accent, the way he says that in a pleasant, endearing tone.

"Oui?" she replies back with a half smile. She is tired. She is worrying about whether she made the right choice. Is Louis really the one or is it just Blair's childhood fantasy, is only the idea of a fairytale that seems to have an appeal. She is sick, the wedding preparations are taking so long, everything needs to be done thoroughly, sometimes she can't help but think it's not what she applied for. She didn't expect it to be THAT arduous.

Then again, Louis loves her. And she loves him. He's her future husband and everything is going to be sheer perfection.

"Blair, I'd like to talk to you."

_Yes, I know. _

"About what?"

"Are you happy?"

The question leaves her staggered. How did he even come up with it? Of course she is. She has it all. The attention she gets wherever she goes, beautiful presents, all the sparkly, shiny and devilishly expencive jewelry. Of course, what's more important - a man who cares about her and her happiness. He is sensible, and nice, and genuinely a good person. Everything she always wanted from a man. And he treats her right. And she's expecting his baby.

Of course, she has less time for scheming with Chuck, and no more time to waste on watching old-school movies with a certain Dan Humphrey. But there's no need to cry over spilt milk, right? It's a price to pay, besides, who cares when it's totally worth it.

She has matured a lot. She doesn't even miss scheming, nor watching the movies with her "friend".

Blair can watch them all alone and she's perfectly fine. As a matter of fact, she started watching at least 3 per day.

_And of course it's much better. And a lot more...productive. More quality time. There's no one to interrupt me during the most important, or my favorite part of the movie. No one to jab me in the arm offering popcorn. I hate popcorn, and you easily get used to eating them when Humphrey's around. True, usually we used to have our long witty discussions after. But sometimes he was so annyoing that he even pleaded me to retell some parts because he "didn't pay attention" to it. How rude, who does he think he is?_

_Okay, I may did feel slightly BORED time to time. And I did miss all those little things. But that was just, sometimes. Rarely. Almost never._

_Stop thinking about that, now. Focuss Blair. Just focuss._

"I know for your past relationship...with..." He avoided that name. He was acting like Chuck's Voldemort, like his name's a curse, something bad from Blair's past. Sometimes he felt that Chuck had left such a strong mark in her life thinking he can't compete with it. That all the money and love and attempts to make her happy are futile.

"Louis Grimaldi," she interrupted "I am a happy woman and I love you."

Then she shut him with a long warm passionate kiss, and he believed.

But did she?

Xx

***an excerpt from the "Inside"***

**Note : Italic are Serena's thoughts while reading it, everything else represents the content from "Dan's book".**

"What are you doing here?" Clair asks, and I know I shouldn't be doing this. Why am I even trying when I know it leads nowhere. Who knows.

Some things that crossed my mind at that very moment. There was many more of course, but it's hard to describe, even for a writer.

My stomach flops as I breathe,

"I don't know, is Sabrina here?"

"No. What's going on, is everything okay?"

At that very moment I felt like we were connected. In a really strange way, but still, connected.

There was something in her voice, in how purse she had looked, that gave me the courage to continue.

"I've been walking 'round the city all night with one all-consuming paralising thought."

"Why am I walking 'round the city when I live in Brooklyn?" she mumbles suddenly very confused.

Dan is confident.

"What if my dad and Dora were right? What if, there's another reason we're keeping us a secret?"

She is giving a clear sign of disapproval.

"You need to go back to Brooklyn."

_Blair sounds...a little harsh here. They kissed twice, the first time was , so this must be their real kiss._

Should I go? Should I stay here and "play with fire"?

_Why didn't he leave? I am reading this for the 5th time for crying out lou...ERGH. That's the final line in this very scene._

It felt...incredible. It felt surreal. I felt like I was dreaming, and I didn't want it to end here. Somehow, I felt that she didn't want it too and that's what kept me going. Without losing confidence I swallowed my "pride" (what's left of it) and looked at her straight in the eyes.

"Not until I know, for sure they were wrong. That there's nothing between us."

"I can guarantee it."

There was still this undeniable pull between us, and I felt the urge to touch her. Anyhow.

_This is so awkward._

I found myself fixing her strap. The strap of that dress I knew she had bought in Paris this summer. That dress that fit her so perfectly and pointed out...everything that definitely shouldn't be covered.

_Oh my God._

She looked at me straight in the eyes, and I felt goose bumps rising all over my body.

Suddenly she changes her mind.

"But just so you're secure in that knowlege...what did you have in mind?" she adds trying to sound polite.

_Did Blair really say that? Blair Waldorf who is supposed to despise him. _

_Yes yes I know I read it so many times, "Just one kiss then we can know without a doubt." "I suppose that would work" blahblahblah "Oh for crying out loud Hunter!"_

_Seriously? Blair was the one who initiated the kiss on the first place. _

_I can't do this to myself anymore. They both said it meant nothing yet Dan could've written another novel describing it with amusement and preciseness._

_And he totally ditched me last week. I'm wondering what happened so he couldn't make it._

_Maybe I should just...screw everything and get over it. Act like I don't care._

_Maybe I should ... stick to my (our, including Jane as well) plan._

_Oh for crying out loud Hunter!_

_Oh for crying out loud Hunter!_

_Oh for crying out loud Humphrey!_

_What if there's another reason...they're keeping them a secret? _

_What if Blair really is Clair from the book, and what if her feelings are actually well-described. _

_What if it's not just Dan's imagination. _

_And even if it was, it's a little striking..._

_Dan...and Blair? Could it be?_

_I can't with this anymore._

xx

Blair grabs her mobile phone and basically tosses him away in a millisecond.

Fine.

"We are just friends and I'm just gonna..."

_Oh get over it Blair._

_Fine._

She takes her phone again and enters the number she knows so well, even if it's not on her speed-dial. What would people think if they saw Dan Humphrey's number on speed dial.

Endless scrolling wasn't an option, and since they were...in contact for a *short* period of time she must have accidentally remembered it.

"Humphrey" she says in a whisper still having second thoughts about this one. Maybe it's not a good idea after all.

"Blair?" he says suprised, "Is everything alright?" He was worried. In fact, if her answer was negative she was pretty much sure he would fly from Brooklyn to her penthouse on Manhattan just to check up on her, see what's wrong and how can he help. That's who he was.

"Yeah" she answers a little more casually than planned. "I was just thinking...well, there's no reason for us not to speak, right? You were sorry about what you did, and...it's fine. You..." she stops a little "Love Serena in real life. A small dose of fanfiction and leaving something to desire is okay. Well it's not since you crossed that line but..let's pretend you didn't? Serena will forgive you sooner or later anyway."

He keeps quiet.

No I don't love Serena anymore. No it WAS NOT FANFICTION BLAIR. So many things to tell her, but...it doesn't really matter.

"Yeah, I guess I could do that." he smiles a little but then realize it sounded a little foolish for the conversation they were currently having.

"So.. I still have that _SILLY_ cookbook you left in my room."

"Oh! Right. You didn't like my strawberry-nutella waffles? I knew it! I should have just tried a classic vanilla-coconut topping, and definitely keep in mind that you're not an evil dictator of taste only when it comes to clothes."

"That's ... Not the point. Nutella was good, as if it's hard to please a pregnant woman, they're always starving. It's just, since I know a Humphrey man waffle-obsession I thought you might need it."

"Great. You want us to meet so...so you can er."

"8 pm, Fan Forum. Don't be late" she cut him short.

"Fan Forum? I thought you wanted to give me my cookbook back?"

"One movie couldn't do any harm I guess."

He smiled for himself like a 4th grader.

"Great. Er, I mean, good."

xx

_Is this one of her schemes? _

Next moment his phone rang and he answered very quickly.

"Don't tell me we're back onto plausible deniability and making up exit-strategies. I am so not in the mood."

"It's not..that" she replied timidly. Dan was a bit shocked.

"So?"

"Listen, I'm at Vera Wang's trying my...wedding dress. I'm stuck here and I probably can't make it."

He was trying to imagine Blair saying this biting her lower lip in order to express guilt.

"Fine." he took a deep breath. "It's okay.."

Just when he was about to hang up she continued

"Listen, why don't you come here...so we can see the movie after?"

"Blair, I don't think that's a good idea."

No. He is not going to watch Blair and Louis living their "happily ever after".

"Dan." she stopped. "Please."

Whoa...

"I am all alone here. And, not that I could use a piece of advice but...I can't stand that cookbook hanging on the same shelves with my precious book colection anymore and..."

He could sniff begging in her voice.

A small smile appeared on his face and he swore he could scream all the way to Brooklyn and back.

"Fine. I'll be there. "

xxx

**So, that's it for now. Did you like it or not? What hould I change? What did you like/hate?**

**The upcoming chapter is about Dair at Vera Wang's. (mmmh excited excited excited!).**

**xoxo **


	6. Chapter 6

**note : oh my god, I'm feel flattered. You guys are awesome and thank you for kind reviews and messages of support on tvf, twitter, tumblr...thank you so much!**

**Ehm, I know I had promised the Vera Wang scene (and I actually have it, it's half-done) but since I was extremely inspired by the next week's episode promo I needed to add some depth to my Drunken-Dan scene.**

**xxx**

Dan already had 3 lattes and one cappucino on his way here.

He knew this was not a good idea, but he also knew what he promised to Blair. He can't let her down now. She needs him.

_Well, she needs me a little TOO often for a casual-maybe-not-even-a-friend_

_I should've just said I can't do this._

The drunken-gag from last night certainly didn't help his already-damaged enough senses. He did his best to drag from Chuck's mouth everything he could possibly remember.

Even after their 3d conversation (Chuck was _demanding _his swanky new suit he kind of completely forgot he had even borrowed to Humphrey) Chuck kept the details vague.

_What did I do? Did I sleep with a hooker? Eugh. Eugh. No. Please let it be no. I mean that's not moving on, that's sheer disgusting. _

_Even Blair wouldn't resist calling it a complete distaste on his part._

"Check Gossip Girl then Humphrey, stop bothering me I'm a busy."

Dan was already picturing Chuck in his "Hugh Hefner" vermilion cloak stretched out on the sofa slowly sipping scotch while having this conversation.

"That IS the problem" Dan yelled "No updates. Nothing."

"I'd really like to spend the day mourning over you-being-completely-irrelevant and watching you squirm but as I stated I've got other stuff to do. Planning my own death as a certain character in your book-included. Have a good day."

"Wait, I thought you didn't care about that dull book for fuck's sake!"

"I couldn't be less bothered." he replied coldly and sounded sincere.

"Then wh..."

"Oh cut the long story short, will you? I'll tell you but promise you'll stop calling me after that."

"I give my word of honour."

Dan was almost there. Vera Wang's.

But, he had to hear about this first.

He sat on the nearest bench ready to hear what really happened.

"So you don't remember the part where you.." Chuck slightly chuckled at the passing thought.

"No." Dan hardly swallowed "What?"

***flashback***

_Dan now took a huge sip of something that seemed to have CB initials over it._

_Chuck gave it to him after he had emptied his own bottle._

"and sometimes I watch her in her sleep..." were the last words coming out of his mouth before he...

"IN FACT I'M GONNA GO TELL HER RIGHT NOW." he jumped from the place he previously sat on.

Chuck almost laughed

"You're being ridiculous Humphrey. More than usual."

"You'll...you'll see."

"Humphre..."

And he was gone.

Not for a long time but still long enough to...

xxx

"I'm crashin' this party!" he murmured in an enthusiastic voice while standing in the elevator.

People were giving him strange looks. One older lady even asked "Are you okay son?"

"I'm having the time of my life! I just realized "dat"..."

The elevator stopped and he felt like his mind automatically shut.

Whatever.

With the same dose of dash he was ambling along the room that seemed extrmely unfamiliar.

"Hey, excuse me?" he was now talking to a bussines man who was really into typing something on his Blackberry.

"Yes?" The man replied taken aback by Dan's current appearance.

His messy curls, plaid shirt that was seriously ragged and covered with spots at some parts, still acting like he's emotionally "attached" to this CB-initial-thing with alcohol.

"I need to find...Www..alf..dorf." he barely managed to finished the sentence.

"I'm sorry who?" Man now almost baffled with this kind of behaviour.

"Bla..fr...Waldorf..princess..of"

"Honey, what's going on here?" a young lady joined the man cutting Dan's sentence.

Man shrugged.

"The guy is looking for some Blair Waldorf" he replied a little confused. "You take care of it. I gotta go."

"I'm sorry you must've made a mistake."

"I need to tell her that I...Never mind. I didn't make a mistake, I'll find her."

Woman mumbled something like "whatever" and quickly disappeared in the crowd.

Dan quickly found an approach to some desk that was full of alcohol. His right hand was almost trembling when he was pouring the liquid in a wine glass.

"Careful!" someone shouted. "Man...are you okay...do you need help with.."

"I used to be a carterwaiter, so move." he said with a slight chuckle.

Then he left the wine glass glass full of Chardonay and hugged someone who was just passing by.

"Please tell Blai..r..that I love her eyelashes and...her hair." he stopped "Wait that actually rhymes!"

"I really love the smell of her hai..."

SLAM.

He was kicked out.

*present*

"No that can't be..." Dan was visibly upset..."I. Did. Not."

"Deal with it Humphrey. You crashed the party, and not ANY PARTY but the completely wrong, some charity organization's party. Luckily, my stalking aptitude turned out to serve a purpose and I found you."

"But how Gossip Girl didn't..."

"I offered her a picture of me and a half-naked Georgina Sparks in the 8th grade. Sorry to disappoint you, guess I'm more popular despite your ...book trending these days." he scoffed when saying "book"..

"I mean, _of course I am,_ I'm Chuck Bass."

Dan was...

Man.

Chuck Bass actually helped him.

_Of course he would. He didn't want Blair to know about my feelings._

"Then..."

"Then we returned where we previously had our as much as it pains me to say.." chit-chat...or wait was it your monologue. Anyway then I told you stuff about my.." he stopped right there "Never mind. You wanted to meet ...Dorota, talking rot about some meeting at 4 am and that was it. I guessed that you were too drunk to walk home so I may helped and that's it. Satisfied?"

"I..."

Chuck Bass walked him home, gave him a suit a couple days ago, borrowed his jacket, saved him from that... calmituous blast and he was speechless.

"Hope you are. 'Cause I have to go."

He hung up and stood up from the bench.

Blair didn't know anything about this, Chuck figured it out but actually...helped (even now it felt surreal), Blair was no longer mad and even invited him to the bridal salon where she was trying her...

Suddenly Dan felt like something was stuck in his throat and standing in front of the door with "VW initials" on it he took a deep breath. This was really happening and it hurt so much.

_Where she was trying her wedding dress._


	7. Chapter 7

When he entered the bridal salon, he expected a great squash in the doorway, the brides rushing in pell-mell, families assembled near one of those tremendous mirrors, waiting to see _the _dress, staff everywhere mincingly smiling to their customers even though it was evident that they _hated _ brides who couldn't make up their mind for hours.

This is Upper East Side, people, women, especially when it's about their wedding day were most definitely not a piece of cake.

But when Dan actually looked around, it felt surprisingly serene.

He mildly smiled at the approach of a younger woman who was smiling politely.

"Can I help you sir?" she asked in the same manner.

"Yes, um, actually I came here to see...Blair Waldorf?"

The woman was visibly taken aback by what he just said, or just plain unprepared for this moment. Suddenly, everything was a lot more clear.

"Mr Grimaldi! God it's _such _a pleasure meeting you! Oh my God. I..." she winked at him stopping for a second. "I'm know it's none of my bussines but what about tradition? You can't see the bride befor..."

Contemplating her now like that, she acted like one of those soap opera characters, or hopeless romantics in romantic-comedies.

Dan almost expected this girl to ask if he has some _friends _or relatives to "bond" her with. Yes, he'd expect her to be THAT delusional. And all that came so sudden, for someone who seemed very calm and sedate at first.

"No, wait." he said articulating very carefully. "I'm not her...fiancee. Tell her that Dan Humphrey came to visit." he proclaimed sharply.

After few seconds in silence, she soon started to ramble on.

"Oh...pardon. Well I knew there was something wrong about that hair.." she slightly chuckled.

She coughed. "I mean, if you don't mind me saying, you know, I expected Prince Louis to be a little..." she said as she was trying to carefully choose the words thinking how to put this. "less _hippie, _and more...classy" she ended after she turned completely serious and professional. Realizing what she just said she apologized, red-faced and muttering :

"That was very unprofessional, I'm really sorry. Of course, make yourself comfortable, I'll be there in a minute."

"I don't like to be kept waiting." he furrowed a brow trying to act harsh.

"Can't mess with the Muppet hair." he added dryly even though she was already gone.

Somehow, despite her behavior Dan managed to find her likeable in a way. She was a lot less "stiff" from what he expected. And he really hates snobs.

So he did what she ordered, and sat on one pinkish sofa in the corner.

This place reminded him of spa-center. The atmosphere was so relaxing, and feeling the pleasent smell, a mixture of vanilla, champagne and roses made him sleepy and somehow bewitched.

He could swore he also heard classical music somewhere in back.

Just when he closed his eyes ready to fall asleep a woman called :

"Mr..Humphrey, she's ready." she announced sheepishly.

_What does that mean, she's ready? She can't be in her wedding dress, can sh..._

_**Of course **she's in her wedding gown you idiot. _

He stood up and followed the petite lady.

xxx

"It was about time Humphrey!" she shot him a cross look. "Where were you?"

He had no idea what she just said. He just stood there, feeling at his wits end, like a 8 year old child. His hands were shaking, he swallowed hard, and his pulse immidiately quickened, his sight still focussed on the ground.

He's in a great flutter.

Finally, he plucks up the courage and looks at her, straight in the eye, after what seemed like _such _a long period of time.

That was it.

That was the end.

Holly...

There was no words to describe how amazing she looked.

Blair was standing there, in front of the mirror, doing something he would mark as...calmly checking her image in a true Dictator-of-taste style, intenting not to miss any detail.

On the other hand, Dan simply stood there in enthralment. As if his mind suddenly shut. He was speechless. Her so simple, yet so wonderful dress that suited her perfectly. With no make up on, her hair freely falling on her shoulders.

She turned around slightly more nervous then before, somehow finding the grit to ask :

"So, what do you think?" she voiced trying to sound casually but could swore she felt the strange heaviness after saying each word. "..about the dress." she shot him a coy grin.

He gulped.

She half-smiles at his slack-jawed surprise.

"I...Blair...you..." he tried still astonished.

He can do this.

"I..."

He was very well aware that the more time he spent rambling the more his ...(man was it a _crush?_) ..(or was it...was it by any case _LOVE_) or whatever he felt in that moment was showing.

Yet he couldn't. He just couldn't.

So he just kept his mouth shut, his sight now focused on her, on her figure, her smile. Flawless aspect, every part of her bare, porcelain skin made him get a shivery feeling, just like her facial expression made him teary-eyed. Everything was plain beautiful, but hurt so much at the same time. The same thoughts, same old questions passing through his head again.

_Is she happy?_

Blair was now in anticipation. She moved closer nervously adding :

"What...? I know it's not the nicest version, but when we add..the bouquet of peonies, and, _of course, _make-up, and fix the hair It'll..."

When he felt her insecurity about this, that gave him courage to finally start talking. He made a step forward saying this in a clear tone, even though each part of his body was still trembling under impression. Especially when he became aware of how close to each other they stood right now.

"You look perfect." he beamed

"Dan..."

"I.." he said in a whispering voice.

They were so close now that he could almost feel her breath, the smell of her perfume, her hair, and he couldn't go through this again. Her eyes lingered around his mouth and his neck.

_No. Not again._

_This was the reason she had been avoiding to read his book for so long. What feared her the most. _

He carresed her shoulder and Blair found herself slightly jolted by the sudden gesture.

She closes her eyes for a second, just like she's living a dream. And just for a moment she wishes they're in the world where no one else matters, only the two of them.

Blair has been through all this before.

That's when something like a flashback suddenly hit her.

***flashback***

***Blair's head***

_"But just so you're secure in that knowlege...what did you have in mind"_

_"It meant nothing...less than nothing,..right?" "Yeah, that's right."_

_"I'm not friends with Dan Humphrey."_

_"A friend of mine."_

_"Dan and I have a real connection."_

...

could it be...

She remembers the Pink party. The "staged" moment they shared. It was staged, then again their lips touching felt so real. So right.

She closed her eyes then just like she did at this very moment, and everything comes back to her now.

She couldn't stand this preassure anymore. Somewhere, deep down she wanted to feel the same thing she felt that night when he came all the way from Brooklyn to see if there was something between them. She remembers that moment quite plainly.

He grabs her, they kiss and kiss so slowly and deep that her stomach clenches.

They are drinking each other with such a dedication, like they're working on something that must be done with promptness, but to gain nothing else but the sheer intimacy they're feeling now.

At that very moment, she knew.

She knows, and she will know.

_But she decides to deny._

**xxx**

**A/N : Hope you enjoyed this, I know you've been waiting for it and I hope it was up to your expectations. I have so many ideas after this chapter that I'm afraid I'll start living in the world of this fanfics. Previous chapters definitely need some polishing/serious refining but I decided to leave them like that for now, especially because I really respect and appreciate your reviews. **

**And hey, review! xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you okay?"

**A/N It was too long! God I missed writing, but here it is. Hope it didn't disappoint. Review. xoxo**

Before answering, he takes a deep breath fixing his tie and checking his tux for one last time.

"Yes."

And he really was.

He practiced "Blair you make a beautiful bride" expression altogether with a small grin that says "I'm like Serena. I am your best friend. I have no feelings for you." He even _really_ tried to catch the way Serena smiles at Blair, just in case his heart decides to take over the situation. Everything was on its place, even his style was saying "I'm enjoying this lovely wedding. I'm really flattered to be invited on such thing. Gosh, it's _Royal._"

There was only one thing.

And no, he didn't matter that the smile on his face was fake, the fact that he could burn in tears every moment, like a true gay best friend. He even thought about that, waving with his hands like a true gay-ish person adding "_OhmyGosh you're getting married!" _but he was really caught unprepared that day at Vera Wang's. No hideous scarves or even berrets (and berrets were truly gay-ish in Dan's opinion, not that he had anything against gays...) in the world could hide what he feels when he looks at her. No way to trick Blair just like that. No way to hide that feeling of ... Man. He loved her. There was no turning back, he was hopelessly and totally in love with Blair Waldorf.

And she's getting married.

Yet he's okay.

He _needs to start learning to be._

xxx

"Blair!" Serena smiles while pulling her in a tight, warm hug. "You look, absolutely amazing...I'm speechless."

Blair rolls her eyes for a little even though she doesn't really know why. What did she expect? A perfect best-friend-from-the-movies quote. An essay carefully describing every single part of her dress/everything else. Serena's not a writer, for God's sake.

And like the writers were helpful enough. She always knew Dan Humphrey wasn't exactly the best thing that happened to the 21st Century but she had some confidence in his vocabulary knowing how much of a bookworm, how witty and dare she say...smart he actually is.

So yeah mumbling a word or two before confusingly taking the cookbook with a poor excuse to skip a movie was the...worst possible scenario. She knew there was something weird, she wouldn't call it a _pull _or_ magnetic, _more like something normal and purely _organic. _

But many things have happened after that scene with Blair's wedding dress that definitely took her down a peg or two.

_***flashback***_

"Miss Blair, you need to get away from paparazzi. Maybe you could tell Mr Louie..and.."

Blair knit her brows. She knew Dorota had right, she should've just called Louie and he'd solve it in a blink of an eye. It just didn't seem..._right._

Her phone rang.

_A certain Humphrey._

"Yes?" she says trying to hide the pleasure from hearing familiar voice from the other side. Yes. She really did miss him.

"Blair, what are you doing today?" Dan asks as if she's one of those single, available women.

She likes it in a way, because "Furure Mrs Grimaldi" didn't sound as classy as she thought it would. In fact, she hated it, most of the time.

"I'm umm.." she shot Dorota a fretful look noticing how much she was interested in their conversation, studying every single expression on her face. And reactions were coming one after another, stronger and quicker so she couldn't even keep them under control or mask properly. And Blair Waldorf _always had_ _everything _under control.

"Coming to see you, actually."

"O-okay." this got Dan slightly confused. He wanted to ask why but he couldn't let himself ruin the moment between them since it meant _everything _to him at this point. She meant everything to him.

And his dad was right. He is going to tell her everything.

xxx

Next thing she knows, Blair Waldorf's entering the loft carrying two gigantic suitcases all by herself. She's a pregnant woman for God's sake. What happened? Thousands of questions clustered in his head, yet he doesn't ask any. Somehow, the only thing that matters is to make sure she's okay, so he asks :

"Do you need help with that?" giving her a coy grin.

"Humphrey I'm pregnant, not frail." she pretends to be offended by his question, but deep inside she's dying for a cup of tea and craving for a quality conversation for so long. Dan just offers a light smile, even though his heart is palpitating.

"You're welcome." he adds dryly as he takes her luggage.

xxx

She makes herself comfortable at the sofa in the living room, and can't help but frown.

Dan instantly asks :

"What's wrong, Blair?"

Before that they were just silently drinking tea and enjoying the silence. Comfortable silence. No noise. No tension. No **paparazzi. **Just the two of them.

"I was just wondering..." she carefully takes a sip placing her head at one of those fluffy pillows she always adored in his loft. So comfy.

"You didn't even ask what happened? Basically I came here with a half of my closet..." she rolls her eyes "Who am I even kidding, a half of my _room _yet all you did was ask if I needed help."

"That's why I'm here Blair. I'll always be." he grins feeling a little lost when their eyes met.

She's speechless.

He makes a sudden move that seems to bring them round, and breaks the awkwardness.

"So if this is the _half _of your closet ...For crying out loud, Blair, how many things do you actually own?"

She chuckles as she replies :

"Oh come on, don't pretend you don't know how many books are there, you're the only one who seems to appreciate my collection enough."

"So I'm supposed to believe that? Don't be ridiculous, you never wore the same outfit!"

That's when she becomes fishy.

"How do you know that?"

"Oh come on Blair, you refused to wear the same outfit once you stayed here for the night. I remember going all the way to Manhattan sneaking into the Waldorf penthouse to bring you your new pair of shoes."

"Not any shoes Humphrey. Those were my favorite pair, delivered straigt from Paris! And I had a plan to wear them, I can't break the rules!"

"But I can horse around your apartment because Humphreys can break out of the mold, right?"

"Right." she purses her lips taking another sip very carefully.

"Then I have to make sure you know that visiting the Humphrey loft is not strictly following rules either, Miss Waldorf."

"That's not the same."

"Yeah, it totally isn't."

Same old denial, over and over again.

xxx

"No, but for real, why are you even here?" he asks while she's having breakfast.

"Mm, these waffless smell delicious."

"You hate waffles."

Strange that she really meant it.

"Yeah." she feels her mouth going dry and doesn't really like this moment. She was thinking about it all the time, and this was definitely not easy thing to do.

"Listen...I.." she leaves her plate and looks down..."I want to redecorate this place. It's hideous, and now, when I'm..." she swallows hardly believing the words that are coming from her mouth. "**living **here, I thought that maybe..."

So, she doesn't want to talk about the real reason. Yet.

Fine, just let her be Blair.

"What were you thinking?"

xxx

"Dorota, you are a genious!" she speaks under her breath.

"Miss Blair Mr Louie is concerned. He didn't hear anything for you in...weeks."

"Give me those cups, fast. Humphrey will be here every minute! And you better shut your mouth right now or I'm gonna leave you in some pitiful quarter so you're gonna curse the day you said this."

Dorota hands her the dishes, then the pillows.

_"Now that is much better."_

xxx

"Cups were fine, but...Rugs, and pillows, and God Blair what have you done to this place?" he asks slightly horrified but in all honesty more surprised.

"Do not exaggerate. And you're welcome."

He looks around. He's suddenly aware of the wide smile tingling on his face. This place looked brighter. Shinier. She brought life to it, she brought life to _him._

"Thanks."

xxx

Following night, he lits candles, takes a deep breath and it's time.

To tell her that,..I _love _her.

Breathe, Humphrey, _breathe._

This is also the night when it all breaks down when she opens her mouth to speak :

"I'm here so you could help me choose between Louie...and...Chuck."

xxx

Other things are history.

Blair run away with Chuck.

She's been in an accident.

He can't take it anymore.

***next chapter will be in the present again, so yeah, Blair's wed***


End file.
